• Asha M. Creary

Finding Your Tribe

This blog may cause you to believe that I am telling you to be selfish but let me start out by saying it’s okay to be SELFISH. Now let’s go into deeper context on what a Tribe is. A tribe is a group of friends that support you with everything around life, from dating nightmares, to financial intelligence, to general friend support/intimacy and all other things you may need from your friends. Now I know that this part might sound weird because I am basically telling you to date your friends to see which ones are worthy of a friendship marriage. Now let’s start by talking about the types of qualities you might look for in a friend including emotionally in tune, empathetic, unselfish, supportive, considerate, those open to change or growth and are able to provide feedback in various situations. Your tribe should fill your cup. Now everyone may not fill your cup the same, but they should indeed fill your cup without it feeling like you are draining the well. I recommend you take a few hours/days to write down all of your friends and determine how they add value to your life and then ask yourself how do I add value to their life, you can’t evaluate your friends without evaluating yourself. You might just be that friend that is constantly draining others.

Below are some types of friends you want in your tribe...

The spiritual friend who is someone that feeds your spiritual energy. These are people you can have deep conversations with. They love and protect you spiritually. They are like the two voices on your shoulder with you are struggling with things that are interrupting your spirit they are there to help you with every battle.

The travel friend is a very important friend, this friend is not afraid to go places or even invite themselves on a trip in which you may be going on just for business. They just want to see a new city or experience new things. These friends matter because traveling alone can be scary or traveling to a new place can be different and its almost always better when you have someone there with you. You don’t ever want to invite a friend that trips anytime you go anywhere with them, I repeat Abort the Mission!

The financially literate friend is important because these friends can not only help you get where you need to be financially but could potentially make great business partners. These are friends that point out when you are overspending, help you to remain on budget and are there to just teach you either how to make more money or how to retain more money. These friends are super important!

The friend who pushes you to do/be better are also super important. These are friends that see your potential. Now if you do not have internal drive it may feel like these friends are nagging about/to you or that they are flat out getting on your nerves. Friends that believe in you are delicate and important to your overall growth.

The friend that acts as a mentor. These are friends that you can always call or that always call you to make sure you are meeting your personal goals, whether it’s financial, emotionally, physically or spiritually. When you think of mentor you think of someone who can only help you career-wise, WRONG these are people who have expertise or wisdom in anything you would like to pursue or follow steps in.

The friend that supports your health kick. Since health is so important, these friends are only beneficial if you want to help yourself. These are friends that are willing to start a new diet to support you, ask to only go places that align with your health goals, joins and goes to the gym with you. These are also friends that will be by your side when you fall ill no matter how sick you get.

The friend who you can be vulnerable with and not have to experience fear or anxiety around being vulnerable. These are friends that don’t go telling your business to the streets. They matter the most because sometimes you just need to vent. Now remember you do not want to burn these friends out because they will eventually shut down because they more than likely hold on to baggage for more than one friend in their life.

Lastly, it is important to evaluate your tribe. If they do not offer any form of support and are just pulling everything out of you, you may need to distance yourself or just flat out cut them off. Now I would not do this without talking with them first about wants, needs, interests, concerns and hopes for them. After having a big conversation with them then either you will continue to grow with them or you have to walk away. Now I see a lot of friend groups in which everyone talks about everyone negatively or in a messy manner, these are not your friends. I can talk to you about my concerns vs going to talk to everyone in our group about my concerns. In most cases, you all never liked each other, and you guys are just being cordial so that you can compete with them. This does not just apply to women groups; it applies to men groups as well. Competition is good but too much leads to jealousy and envy. I hope this blog helps you to do some self and friend evaluations and realign your group. Remember every person should have a purpose in your life, whether they are close friends or people you have just met.

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